stella's going to say i'm stupid for posting ONE picture.The swell is
finally gone.
But not without a minor surgery; incision and drainage of the pus accumulated. It’s actually an inflammation of an insect bite and the sit collected pus. If I had actually gone days later, the hole that was incised on my leg (yes those words: hole, incised, leg) would have been more massive. It’s a pain now to have to change the dressing every day. There’s a piece of ribbon gauze in the hole/wound and it had to be taken out and changed with a new one every day. I hope whoever’s reading this can imagine the pain. But no sympathies, I’m sick of that.
note to self: when in pain, don't wait. consult someone immediatelyEvery week once during book out, I’ll take some time to do some sort of reflection. I don’t usually reflect on anything important or relevant. I just like to think about my emotional state and the remorse accumulated over the week. Honestly this had been a really rough week. There are a lot of practices that I can’t get used to. There all sorts of people and their weird habits that puts me off in a really annoying and angry manner. To get this whole affair started, I’ll state that I really hate my new roommate. He’s the worst person I’ve ever encountered. He’s so fucking slack. I get so angry because of his attitude. It sucks. I’m a complete opposite of him. I care about things and I’m motivated. I’m not here to just sail through. I’m here to be a better person. For that I’d been extremely cold towards him. I don’t regret that. I need to get people off my back. But that’s not important. I feel extremely antagonized this week. I don’t even know what’s going on. There’s this atmosphere of misunderstanding going around and I feel that I’m always mistaken to mean another thing. It tires me to explain and clarify. For that I’m really upset. I also hate that I’d been throwing tantrums and flaring up too constantly it’s becoming a norm. I don’t like to lose my cool but I feel that I’ve changed into another being that keeps doing it. I hate attacking people I care about and I really hate to display the stubborn angry emotional side of me. It’s vulnerable and I hate it. I hate to feel weak. During obstacle building I lost my cool with hs and was going about in a really dangerous headstrong and willful way. I feel so sorry. Some people just care for me and my reflex make me piss them off. I suck. I’m getting too emotional sometimes. It’s not that sort of sad emo, but rather the assortment sort of emo that puts people on a trip around my temper palette.
On the way out of neesoon while we were booking out lionel was telling me how we could be such potential good friends because we could stand each other’s jokes about each other. It set me thinking my relationship with people in the course. Yes there are a lot of them whom I feel close to and share a considerably ‘close’ friendship but I don’t feel the something extra in all of them. at that instance when I come to such a realization I thought that my heart is dead. I had been such an emotional wreck and I can’t make anymore friends who are more than just impressions. I suck. I hate this me. I don’t know what’s wrong but I’m so out of self I feel that it’s abnormal.
任性看似白色 看似温顺平和
却内里透红 根本毫不从容
人群里我安静得很 走了不等
无耐性的人 很认真的人
虽然流言道我不懂人心
但我觉得我能有一点任性
我固执也好 我放纵也好
不想借别人的肩膀做依靠
你说我不懂你 任性也好
我不想被你牵着住进你的牢
roy
Labels: entry, photos, 词
