first time for, everything.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

care less.

When I return home yesterday, I was greeted with the latest issue of the sji news. Honestly, at that point of time I didn’t have that same form of exuberance I had about one or two years ago. I finally understood what changed. It’s quite apparent that growth had taken us by storm, well at least me. Attitudes had changed. It’s rather cold hearted for me to say this but I hardly feel anything when I think about sji. Remember how my blog pages used to be flooded with all those stuff about sji? I hardly see a tinge of it now. I remember sji as the place that brought me great friends and experiences but as we move on to newer and more challenging circumstances, certain stuff are bound to be forgotten. Sometimes I do question whether my excitement in teaching in sji still exists. After all a lot of these dreams that I had were weaved because of the common people and common goals, as we move on, it’s hard to retain these wishes. I’m only human and time has its effect on me.

Yesterday was book-out! Pft, I’m not even that enthusiastic about it actually. after all the getting used to booking out on Friday cos it’s family day, booking out on Saturday really needed us to take some time to get used to. I remember how much I miss ocs in pro-term and I thought I would look forward to joint term. Neh-neh. I quite hate joint term actually. this place is actually a really plastic institution. A lot that’s going on is all about appearance. No doubt about that because after all we’re supposed to be all about appearances but I do pity those inf boys with all their sheltered rubbish. It seems extremely crappy to me that we have to observe every single form of regimentation, all the way down to whatever we wear. In lt kevin’s words ‘this is fucks’. I can’t be bothered to care anymore about it. I just want commissioning to come by quickly and swiftly. Zzz.

roy

Labels: entry

1:01 PM link to post

Thursday, November 27, 2008

far from a good day.

Today's far from a good day. Excessive amount of 'fuck you' thrown all over the place. Excessive flashing of the midfinger. I am extremely guilty of becoming such a hateable vulgar bitch. Bitch is fine, just not when you become overly offending. Sarcasm is fine, just not when you decide to add in your own blend of profane words. I suck. But i don't feel bad a single bit for biting on the soh's tongue. Fact is, i don't even like you so stop pretending we're even friends and coining stupid names for me. urgh.

Side note, i do worry for zakir :/

roy

Labels: entry

8:33 PM link to post

Sunday, November 23, 2008

8q.

Visited sam and 8q yesterday, beautiful art shows.
Go see the korean collection in sam and jmaf in 8q, really worth the money. But abstract rubbish is really not my cuppa tea, it makes people like kev think he can be an artist. :/
Latest news: ulysses platoon four has only got two officer cadets left standing - jeremy and i. wow.

roy

Labels: entry, photos

6:37 PM link to post

Friday, November 21, 2008

wow.

I cannot believe this but: clarence knew my birthday. Wow. The usual wishes from the usual people, there’s really nothing special about this birthday. Well it could have been a perfect birthday present if I was accorded one of those beautiful double crested swords, but its okay. I know I’m not that good, to ask for more is just greedy. i don’t understand how some people can picture me as an som winner. It’s me? perhaps they think that my intent to put ten years of my life in the service gives me an edge. But I would refuse it if that’s the leverage factor. I know my merits is clearly outta the som league. I don’t even feel more competent than hs, at best on par with marcus. So basically there’s nothing to feel bitter or disappointed about. Just major upset that hs didn’t get that som :/ (and in case victor’s reading this: it’s so disappointing that he didn’t get soh also)

Today’s our last day as trainees in eti. It’s difficult to sit down and reflect what I’ve gained and lost in engineers training institute. Really. The people, often superficial and impressionable but to the extent I could call friends. I really like some of them a lot. So much so that I want all of them to sign on with me, haha I’m like that. Mean. i think I like engineers a lot, I like being in the company and embrace of so many people. I’m not going to list it. I tried, but I get confused whether some are just friends on face value. Irony. back on the timeline, justin passed soc today. The whole course ran and ran, he pushed he really did. I almost cried but I stopped myself because this is not about me. I’ve never seen the course like that before, maybe some were just going through motion but it was a good feeling. With that, justin got his ticket to go back to ocs. The move back to ocs was tiring. But I was glad I saw victor :> hurhur.

Joint term is here, 2lt-tbc.

roy

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9:37 PM link to post

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

假.爱情

当你喜欢上一个人你不应该喜欢的人的时候
唱一唱这首歌像一首绕梁的曲伴随这篇词吧

假.爱情

以为你的眼神是我想掀开的大门想得到你护航的认真
我以为我和你相衬最终必有可能却不值得一等
以为依恋开始延伸寻不到这根深
以为疼爱是种责任给最喜欢的一个人
却到不了永恒只因为这爱情不真

爱上你原来是爱上误会
爱上了假面的心醉
得不到的有些遗憾后悔
却不至于让灵魂坠毁

爱上你是爱上朋友的安慰
爱上你关怀我的憔悴
我不该让我继续误会
此刻应当放手后退

roy

Labels: 词

3:02 PM link to post

transit.

At one point, I need to come back and remind myself who I am. I. Am. Back.
Crescendo wasn’t that tough, I can do it again and again. I know I’m up there already. I’m feeling the bar, I’m feeling the sword. It’s a really repeated feeling. This is extremely reminiscent of those old days, taking over those seniors. Just that this time, it comes with no apprehension. I’m at peace with my own abilities and capabilities. I’m comfortable to know that I will make it through it all. I need this pc tour.

Brief summaries: liger – disappointment. How I wish to proclaim this as a major upset for me and shriek out loud that I, s89xxxxxb oct lee lian hui roy, wants to be ex pc. I could ace this. I know I could. But too bad, I’m cut out for that stupid running job, manning that fucking comms, hates. MAJOR misuse of talentS. In comparison to whitehorse, liger is so much easier. It’s such an easy cake yums. Bv – stupid. Pointless pointless pointless. Just glad that I had lionel gerrrr in my group.

Basically crescendo was just that. I fucking hate to be treated like a dog. I hate life deprived of dignity and pride. I’m invested upon to uphold values and integrity not to be treated like a fucking dog. It doesn’t warrant anyone the right to treat others like dogs just cos they like to be dog trainers. This is what I deem as corrupt and abuse. This is when shame and anger converges. I didn’t come all the way across nations, tolerating thirty plus of crap to be treated like a dog. I’m attempting to transit to another stage and no thanks to whoever intends to hold us back. Yes, I hate to be held back, and yes, I’ll fucking remember this happened.

I have a tendency to do certain things that blur certain lines. Sometimes the lies I tell and the words I speak blur the lines of truth and bluff. All because I’m sufficiently bold, sufficiently daring to make what seem real appear fake, vice versa. But I gotta stop overdoing it. It irks me zzz. I hate to be ignored. Perhaps that’s why I have a habit of attracting attention onto myself. I hate to feel forgotten and lonely. I hate it when attention I crave is not reciprocated or returned in parts. I don’t wish to make a scene but I wish to have some light shed on me.

Alright, it’s been a long day. I’m gonna do some writing, unpacking, movie and eating tmr.
I’m back.

roy

Labels: entry

5:02 AM link to post

Sunday, November 02, 2008

flight of a bird.

In a few hours time I will be embarking on a journey to Thailand. Soon 21 weeks will come to an end. I remember the exact feelings that I had before/at the start of this grueling pro-term. I hesitated, flinched, and feared many unforeseen circumstances. The unfamiliarity of people and place and casting us away to Brunei alone resulted in extreme apprehension towards what might come. But thankfully, everything changed. This time, it's different. I have faith in people. It grew on me to trust a few, befriend a few, like a few and hate a few. Crescendo will be a fast one and I believe it’ll be a good one. We all need to grow up one day and this is it: One designated time and space. I’ll return on the 18th, right before my birthday. To end this, I haven’t felt so loved in a very long time. My foxtrot buddies, thanks for the well wishes and good faith. All the best for csb and panther! Goodbye, love me baby.

roy

Labels: entry

3:56 PM link to post

0405.

零四零五是一间房
房内的住客是我。

零四零五

发现我变了在这房内
丑陋随光阴积累
我却不知为何卷入这是非
每段时日心都有鬼
理智却与放肆跟随
小心眼皆无一点后悔
碎了人心也觉得对

零四零五已是我
灵魂善美早削弱
零四零五无觉悟
我爱伤心伤人的心
结怨随性无反省
心嘴不饶人无安宁

roy

Labels: 词

12:55 PM link to post

Saturday, November 01, 2008

for the record.

So things settled like how it always does, like precipitate. But truth be told I’ll rather they not come back. I love the course as it is, small and tight. One thing about me is that I hate for bonds to be tested. I’ve very lil faith in holding relationships together. I know that if I have to compete with someone else for the friendship of another, I’ll fail. I’ll fail drastically. I’m just me; loud and dramatic, bitchy and nonsensical. This is something that cannot be changed. I hate for me to adjust my attitudes just because I need to be competitive. I’ll rather not take up the challenge. Basically there’s this person that I really dislike in the course. I’m absolute that he hates me. H-A-T-E-S. Well that emotion is completely reciprocated because he chooses to retaliate one fine afternoon. Details: nil. I don’t want to change myself just to put up with people who can’t put up with me. sure I can use some adjustments but how about you take this as a mixer lesson when/where you learn to be a human being who mixes with people. I basically don’t do bury the hatchet because I don’t even know you that well. I bear grudges… and I remember on this one fine day, on this beautiful afternoon, a hostile voice was raised at me. It irritated the hell outta me. oh and I really hate to give face to people on request. If I wanna give face to someone it’s free will, free play.

I had the shock of my life yesterday. The scariest movie I’ve ever watched: [REC]. I SWEAR TO WHOEVER IT’S THE FUCKING SCARIEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, GORY NASTY SICK EW. It’s so disgusting but so deep. 8/10, a 9 actually but it scared the shit outta me. i flinched throughout all those nasty scenes. Ohmygod it’s damn scary. This is the benchmark to scary. No more NO MORE horror movies ever again in my entire life. Casper is fine. It’s becoming a staple to go out with gaochong and kevin (from engineers, okay if I use the full word ‘kevin’ it’ll actually mean pumba chewwoencheng, but if I use ‘kev’ it’s kevinleeting’en). I wanna go out with others too but fuck reference to the above para, people would rather go out with pieces of shit than me. I know I can be the boring-est person to go out with cos I do what I like which is not what others like. Let’s have a look at people who can withstand my boring going out routines: yl, andrew, matt, kev, jeremy. Okay the list is frigging short. Who in their right mind would wanna entertain me. so there you go. I wanna go k with ggl gims and hs. Boo.

Had a nights out with kev just now. he’s a boring boy. His stories bored me. lol, let’s not be mean but I’m really more interesting than kev. Tmr I’m leaving for Thailand for the last final ex. one thing I hope is for my pl to send me off at t2r7 but it’s okay. They have me at heart. Sometimes I do feel so cherished. :>

roy

Labels: entry, photos

11:37 PM link to post

speak it.

Some days I'm a super bitch
Up to my old tricks
But it won't last forever

roy

Labels: entry

4:28 PM link to post