I've got nothing to do at home.
On a new year's eve.

roy

Labels: entry, photos

I want to buy books.
I want to read books.
I want to go out, and do things.
I want to have someone closer to have fun with.
I want to do so many things.
But i feel half broke, half filled.

roy

Labels: entry

"This four items has an industrial look to it. A silver coat that has a certain plastic quality to it. Perhaps it's wrapped up with some sort of plastic film or foil thing, or even colourless scotchtape. They have a certain shape to it, they're probably wrapped up really tightly, so compact that it's like a vaccum-contained item. Lifeless and senseless."

These, are my field pack item. In cw fashion from the top left: pack 1 - #4 uniform, pack 2 - admin and towel, pack 7 - slippers, pack 3 - toiletries. All in day's work, all for the sake of senseless fun during initiation.

Went singing with gaochong, yewei and guangliang yesterday. Met yongcai for Yes Man after that. Haha.

roy

Labels: entry, mtv, photos

roy

Labels: mtv

Christmas, back from camp, back from a hell hole. I’m not going to write down any of the painful and humiliating treatments we have to put up with because firstly, we need to be discrete, secondly, I’m lazy. Instead, I’ve them archived in a book. I can read them during my own free time in the future for some guilty pleasure what these retarded sick minds are capable of – ultimate retardedness. I’m quite bored of complaining about this unit because it makes me disgusted with myself that I’m wasting so much time thinking about it. it’s not as if I’m dreading it because I know that I only have such a superficial knowledge of it. I’m just dreading it cos of the people who are making us dreads it. Enough of the excuses that it’ll make us ‘bond’, if I bought that I won’t deserve my four distinctions.

I gotta cut down on my expenditure. I’m becoming something like a spendthrift, which is really burning my pocket. So I’ve gotten my bag and some other nice stuff, so perhaps I should cut down. I should refrain from spending twenty on meals when I can spend ten. Twenty is just wastrel-esque behavior. Boo I’m bored.

roy

Labels: entry

Those ysl, or whatever you call them. Seriously i'm going to give this much attention to them: ___. I hate everything and anything that spells stupid and unnecessary to me, and it's amazing that these people managed to tick me off even though i barely know them. Calling for an inspection? Calling for a 07:00? Calling for us to do this together? I question their intentions. I question the need for this. I question if this is for our own good, or simply for their own guilty or unguilty pleasure. My resentment for people in green has never mount up to such a destructive level. Enough of their vile hypocritical thoughts. They're fucks.

side track
invent smile. says:
i hope urs is worse
invent smile. says:
lol thn i can laugh at u
victor says:
ure an IDIOT
victor says:
did i say ure an idiot?
victor says:
URE AN IDIOT

roy

Labels: entry

隐形人/孙燕姿
小寒 词

无论你肯或不肯我都选择等
等到你结束好久探险的旅程
要是没有寂寞陪衬 没有途中的灰尘
你怎会向往家门

你越是想要诚恳其实越残忍
伪装不了你对我漠视的眼神
你不许我听信永恒不许我迷信我们
不许我奋不顾身

多想化成隐形的人 掩饰我伤痕
给你我的体温好帮你驱走寒冷
看不见也能感受心疼
我想化成隐形的人 隐藏我的泪在翻滚
我在你凌乱世界留下的指纹
对你是没心跳的一个吻

朋友都于心不忍责备我愚蠢
但他们都回避我执着的眼神
可知我对爱的虔诚 可知我迷信我们
可知我难得放任

多想化成隐形的人 掩饰我伤痕
给你我的体温好帮你驱走寒冷
看不见也能感受心疼
我想化成隐形的人 隐藏我的泪在翻滚
我在你凌乱世界留下的指纹
对你是没心跳的一个吻

多想化成隐形的人 掩饰我伤痕
给你我的体温好帮你驱走寒冷
看不见也能感受心疼
我想化成隐形的人 隐藏我的泪在翻滚
我在你凌乱世界留下的指纹
对你是没心跳的一个吻

这是我最喜爱的燕姿歌曲之一 感情里的冲突和矛盾, 牺牲与割舍都填入歌词内
我突然有种想听这首歌万遍的冲动 我觉得我在感情里的角色就像是个隐形人 总是默默的不吭声
自己的伤疤留给自己去疗养 总是不愿多说一句 似乎是这样 我好欣赏着整首歌的词曲与演唱 好可惜没主打

Honestly i was quite pissed that I had to attend my dad’s d&d. what boring shit did I land myself into! I could have spent my time doing things I like. I’m really starting to embrace the kind of rebellious liberation that plagues teens’ parents when their kids are fifteen or so. My phase came five years late. I’m really starting to embrace block leave too. I never felt so in sync with my foxtrot friends before. Last night’s meet up was great, some of my favorite people. It was so random of victor to call us out for I didn’t even know what timbre was. I even thought that this guy was playing a trick on me. what I need now are the photos from jack jack jack jack jack!

I did something today. I sorta moved one step forward towards my career planning. I’ve decided to add Chinese as one of my major options for uni. Chinese in ntu, how uncool is that, but that’s roy for you – doing the least expected. Chinese major and translation minor?

roy

Labels: entry

I’m actually quite pleased tonight cos I did something out of the ordinary. Met up with victor, zakir and jack (urgh finally!) at timbre for some drinks. I love the company :>

roy

Labels: entry

好像为这词填首曲哦
太有感觉了

在乎的人

你有没有试过
被在乎的人冷落
或是呼吸着寂寞
我有 经验很多
害怕没有他的生活
想象只剩下朦胧的轮廓
合上眼睛 拳头紧握
我的快乐都被掠夺

你是我最在乎的人
却无能与我相认
我爱你 思念汹涌延伸
终点却到了心疼

你是我最在乎的人
我最想拥抱的人
每个转弯 命运心狠
我却只能惨痛的忍

roy

Labels: 词

So tables are turned. Honestly, I hardly feel the connection with sj. It’s largely unfamiliar and always reworking itself. I really wonder if I’m cut out to stay in this service having missed out one whole calendar year of events. It was just a few days ago steph was relating to me how so many people had left from otcnov. I guess this is sorta ‘moving on’. This might just be a ‘young people’ thing. I know I’m not the sort of volunteer type cos I think that volunteering is just lame. So I can’t possibly be staying because I wanna volunteer my service. I definitely won’t stay because of people. Right now, I’m really questioning my intention of service. At that point of time, I joined otc probably out of spite, or possibly to do some right with taurus and all. Perhaps I joined otc for that specific group of people. Those people were exclusive to that specific time and space. Now that it’s over, is there a need for me to stay on? I’ll be receiving my service medal and promotion tomorrow for sj. My friends in camp tell me that there’s no need to stay in sj, after all I’m an saf officer now. but, there’s always a but. I know I cannot commit because firstly, I can’t find time and priority to commit to sj. Secondly, I’m reluctant to commit when I know I’m only going to rip so much effort at the end. I don’t want to disappoint people too. I know there are people who hold high expectations for me. I know for jianlin to even push for my promotion means he has expectations for me. I don’t want to feel guilty at the end of the day when I did absolutely nothing and get these rewards. I think I’ll just take one step at a time, for now. No major commitments, perhaps single out a few minor project(s) in a year to focus on. Period.

Okay I haven’t been speaking to k for quite some time now. well I know I refused to speak cos I was being stupidly headstrong. I don’t even know what went into me when I decided to speak to him in such a manner. :/

Several things I need to get done in no specific timeline:
-fucking decide whether you’re going to sign on or not, so people can stop bugging you with the name ‘roygular’
-make up your mind what you wanna study
-perhaps go apply for those uk colleges and scholarships
-thirty’s initiation
-decide whether you’re going to buy a camera/find out whether you can use a camera in camp
-perhaps write some stuff, you haven’t been writing

roy

Labels: entry, photos

Incoherent and simply funny. (i'm 'invent smile')

victor says:
idiot
invent smile. says:
hihi
invent smile. says:
://
invent smile. says:
so mean
victor says:
u anyhow spoil my name
victor says:
spread rumors..
victor says:
u idiot!!!!!!!!
invent smile. says:
no i didnt
victor says:
dont lie.
victor says:
i know what u do.
invent smile. says:
i dun spread rumours
victor says:
everything!
invent smile. says:
i tell the truth
invent smile. says:
i haf no frigin idea wad ure sayin
victor says:
u idiot.
victor says:
always like that
victor says:
hais
invent smile. says:
)):
victor says:
stop trying to gain sympathy.
victor says:
ure nt getting anywhr
invent smile. says:
)))))))))))))))))))))):
victor says:
jus a plain chilidsh act
invent smile. says:
ure damn funny
victor says:
no
invent smile. says:
yes u are
victor says:
idiot
invent smile. says:
stop sayin tt
victor said:
idiot
invent smile. said:
dun u haf anythg else to say
invent smile. said:
so hows ur gf
victor says:
see
victor says:
u idiot
invent smile. says:
so hows ur gf
victor says:
U IDIOT
invent smile. says:
wad
invent smile. says:
im jus askin
victor says:
hmm..
victor says:
i dun hv 1
victor says:
jus so u know
invent smile. says:
huh??
invent smile. says:
i tot u had one las nite
victor says:
dun act dumb
invent smile. says:
whut
invent smile. says:
i really didnt noe
victor says:
ROY LEE
victor says:
as usual.
victor says:
nth to say

roy

Labels: entry

There's nothing much to blog about :/
I finally met up with stella and candy after some months. Now i'm guilty for not bothering to meet up with tong and sijie bleh. Jurongpoint expanded, yay!
Watched Bolt yesterday with kevin: it's a children's movie nonetheless how well animated it is. The story was definitely trying to appeal to the younger demographics.
I bought a bag from River Island today. This reminds me of a bag convo i had with clarence earlier this year when both of us were gushing about bags like two bimbos in our ocs room. Ohgosh i miss him :/

roy

Labels: entry

Comms ball turned out to be a lot better than expected, less the absence of my beloved camera. It wasn’t emotional or anything of that sort for that matter but I know there are some people whom I really appreciate for being part of this course. no doubt without all these buddies, I won’t feel at ease at all: CK, kevin, yongcai, gimhock, weijoe, wenhao, justin boon, lionel lee, chengyi, mark, jingkang, my xiaoxiong thirties (guangliang, haisong, gaochong, yewei, moses, gerald, dom, gangyi, lionel gerard), bose and I think that’s where the list ends. i feel appreciative of these people who still support me when there are people who propagates dislike for me out there. gladly, they also accept me. Loves. Two very important officers in this course: cpt alex and cpt chen. Cpt alex – ideals, my utmost respect for him. Period. Cpt chen – thank you for the guidance and mentoring. Sigh, 56th engineer officer cadet course won’t be able to gather in this time and space again in a very long time.

I need to invent a smile. When old ones meet an expiry, it gets ugly. I need a new smile.

Good luck us,


roy

Labels: entry, photos

What was supposed to be marvelous left an unimpressed feeling in me. Honestly, I expected more. A lot more, from this unit that is so infamous for so many things and so famed for so many other things. The home of the sword holders and the place where all the quality fe is posted to? What happened to the quality that I expected? I question their leadership and their level of motivation; I wonder what’s their true impression. It left an awful bitter aftertaste in my tongue when I left. What is to come is not the fear of induction, but rather understudying with these supposedly flawed personalities. I’m sure the sixteen of us will go through these and come out in one piece.

roy

Labels: entry

officially my favourite movie this year,
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
I need the dvd and soundtrack!
I'm so in love with Kat Dennings!

roy

Labels: entry

I. Put your iTunes (or any other music player) on shuffle.
II. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
III. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
IV. Tag 11 friends who might enjoy doing this.

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY", YOU SAY?
better in time, leona lewis

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
bleeding love, leona lewis

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
details in the fabric, jason mraz&james morrison

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
independence day, carrie underwood

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
keep tryin', utada

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
hot, avril lavigne

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
fallin', alicia keys

8. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
lucky, britney spears

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
no one, alicia keys

10. WHAT IS 2+2?
i'll try, jonatha brooke

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
kiss and cry, utada

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
wow, kylie

16. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
losing grip, avril

17. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
stranger, hilary duff

18. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
this is my now, jordin sparks

19. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
wordplay, jason mraz

20. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
heart beat rock, kylie

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
you are the music in me, zac efron, vanessa hudgens

22. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
how i feel, kelly clarkson

23. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
so small, carrie underwood

24. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
eight days a week, the beatles

25. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
fly, hilary duff

26. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
the first time ever i saw your face, leona lewis

27. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
shooting star, boyzone

roy

Labels: entry

Run

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Tonight we gave it all. It wasn’t pretty perfect but it didn’t matter. It didn’t need to be. For the so many moments in the parade when I wanted to drown myself in tears, yet I can’t: I’ll remember it. It’s these moments that impress into me that tears held in makes everything last longer. Tonight is the night. We are all 2LTs, we’ve made it.

roy

Labels: entry

其实说真的很不自在
当自己真实 不敢面对的一面
好像是某种科学实验品似的
被人一层一层的剖析研究着的时候
我感到非常不自在
从很久以来 我都不敢面对
这个我生活上的”习惯”或缺憾
我怕因为证实了它 生活就会改变
我不敢想象以后就这样的过着
因此… 所以我安于着现状
以我这种很自然 很所谓亲切的方式示人
可是我的这种待人方式
总不经意的被某人检视着
直视若似浅水却暗藏深渊
即使是为我好的建议着
我依然不希望我的真面目被拆穿
这毕竟是我的一层保护色
十九年人生都这样过了
还需更改吗?
我宁可不谈不追究不改变 这个我
让所有不了解我的人认识我
终究接受… 这个我

roy

Labels: entry

At a certain point of our sad lives, we come to a realization that: we’d grown up. It’s not something that can be taught or imparted. Growth comes to us, it finds us or rather we find it. We can’t deny ourselves from this phase. In a way I felt that I’ve grown after some weeks and months of occasional and random reflections. The things that I held on to tightly in the past no longer interests me the way it used to. It’s no longer an obsession, but rather a novel experience. I think I’ve mentioned this before that sji no longer thrills me the way it did when I was still in jc. I think this is the sort of ‘moving on’ that everyone undergoes. I finally understand that whatever I said in the past about people forgetting, drifting and letting go doesn’t really stand because they’ve moved on. It’s them moving on, it’s no one’s fault. It’s just that I’m more retarded in moving forward with my life that their progression became my inconvenience. Sjab still has its problems. The problems stay typical in nature, unchanged in facades. But the fact that I’m no longer putting myself down handling every single minute issue says that I’ve moved past that stage. Initially it was supposed to be temporary when I throw myself into my a level project, after that it became a complete cut-off with ns. It kinda forces me to learn. It’s good. I’m no longer interested in the petty anger and catty politics that used to twirl itself around my life. Purged; of such vices. I’m letting it go and letting the younger ones have headaches over them. it’s no longer my problem because I’m no longer a lead actor in this play. I am but a minor passerby who has experiences on the stage. The certain grudge that I held towards people no longer grips me. Those against linus, zx, those against matt or anyone that matters just seem like passing tales to me. they used to be such scandals for me but now they’re bland as water. I think this is how growth affects us. It charms our mind to forget the pain and it slowly but surely reel us into a spiral of reflection. We’re growing, all of us are.

The barberque yesterday was more successful than how I pictured it to be. There were more people, more food and more fun. I just have one wish that it would be with a tighter group because honestly what made it less than enjoyable (for me) was the presence and company of people who hardly meant anything to me. if I had a gathering with strictly close friends, that would be pleasant. We’re all going to commission in less than a week’s time. To be honest, I am very sad. I’m only starting to get clingy with all those people that I love; my buddy clarence, victor and some other foxtrot guys. It’s a bit cruel for me to get used to another set of lifestyle without their presence. Not to mention all these engineer people. We’ll all be separated and we have to depend on our own independence to make it. Nothing will be simulated anymore. It’s as real as it gets. A list of people I will sorely miss, regardless of the length and depth of our relationship, whether you care about me or not: my best buddy clarence, zakir, victor, gimhock (good luck to that one hell of a bitch you’ll be stuck with), jack, my sister guangliang (if we don’t get posted to the same unit), same for yongcai, zhiwei, surprisingly I will miss zixiang. Sigh and the list goes on. Hopefully the posting results will be out tomorrow to give us that peace of mind.

Yonglin is enlisting. Finally. I actually have a lot of thoughts about it. I remember I carried a really heavy heart when I had to enlist last year. But somehow when our roles change together with time, I don’t exactly carry a heavy heart when I think of yl enlisting. It’s probably the fact that I know what the army does to people. I think it’s good. It’s not fearsome, it’s necessary. Boy, take care of yourself and do what is best for you on the long run (not on impulse), be kind and reserved, be yourself but refined, be nice and unoffending, be happy and stay positive… and all these will be a jolly good ride. ((:

roy

Labels: entry

If God is a DJ
Life is a dance floor
Love is the rhythm
You are the music
If God is a DJ
Life is a dance floor
You get what you're given
It's all how you use it

roy

Labels: entry

Somehow everything took a downturn yesterday after the spirit. I was sad. My heart was void. When people were cluttering around in groups, laughing their hearts out, raising their voices just to hear each other better, I felt really out of place. This is not the first time. I’m not the sort of people who likes to cluster fuck. But I do feel sad because after thirty seven weeks I don’t have a definite belonging to anyone anywhere. I can’t give my all. I’m always reserved. I hate that I’ve changed into such a hermit here. But I feel sad because I don’t sense belonging. That’s a sad fact. i can’t cheer when I feel no purpose. Sword or not, that doesn’t matter to me. there’s no belonging… foxtrot, engineers? It’s too short too shallow I do feel. I need some comfort.

I’m going to say it.
I fucking hate CH KWAH. You know what; I also think that he doesn’t deserve to be a commander. This is the sort of people who skive and commissions just to fucking skive more. I’ve never in my entire life met such a lazy bag of meat. Those that the ‘system fails to detect’. Honestly I have (a lot of) pride being an officer. It saddens me so much so that it angers me that such a fucking thing can still skive after receiving the sword. There are two words to it: no shame. It cheapens my ensuing rank and all the time that I’ve spent to have such a blemish exist in the armed forces and officer corp.

roy

Labels: entry